I don't like driving.

I don't mind driving that much if I someone else is in the car with me. I also don't mind driving short distances. But if I am being perfectly honest, I must say that I just do not like to drive. My boyfriend has probably spoiled me a bit. He refuses to let me drive anywhere: He is always such a gentleman and insists on driving (and opening all the doors for me!). I never had to drive far to school - less than ten minutes in high school, less than 45 minutes to Clemson. Now I have to drive three and a half hours to get back to school. It's a long lonely time! So to pass the time for my drive today, I loaded three sermons on my iPod. I got through one and a half and listened to a good bit of music too. One of the sermons really stuck out to me...I'll get to why in just a minute.


Let me just say that it was difficult to leave today. Since school doesn't start for another week and a half, I really don't have that much going on down in Charleston yet. My roommate works a good bit, though we do get to hang out when she isn't working. Having a lot of down time makes me miss being at home. It really does. It was tough to say goodbye to mom and dad this morning, but I held it in and went on my merry little way.


I've been thinking all summer, especially since I moved to Charleston, about whether or not I am "where God wants me to be." In fact, before I chose to attend MUSC, I had already sent in my deposit after being accepted at Presbyterian College in the Upstate, closer to home. I really didn't want to be far away from home, to be completely honest. I am incredibly close with my family, and laugh if you want, but even at 22 years old, they are my rock, the glue that holds me together, [insert other cliches here], and I never like being apart from them. But then I got accepted to MUSC, and it had always been a dream of mine to be accepted there and to live in Charleston. Then my dream came true and before I knew it, it was time to move. I've been wondering this past week while I have been here why God would allow me to be here but be far away (4 hours is far away to me) from those who mean the most to me. I have been wrestling with God and with those thoughts all summer, wondering how I'm going to be able to make it without them being here. Today I got my answers.


Yesterday at church, the Pastor spoke about worrying (GUILTY). In one of his points, he mentioned that when we worry, we tend to pray to God, tell him what's wrong, and then ask him to fix it and to make us feel better (GUILTY). He went on to say that we should instead ask God to show us what is going on, that we should listen to him instead of telling him so much, and to let him give us a fresh perspective on what is going on. Wow. He got me good! So today when I was sulking after I had just gotten on the road, I remembered what the Pastor said (and I may or may not have pulled out my Bible and outline with said notes while driving....sorry Mom, but it was important). I read that and so then I decided to tell God what was wrong with me and the situation, but instead decided to just shut up and listen. So I did, and it didn't take long. (Note: This in itself was a huge lesson for me today. God will always show us just what we need when we need it if we listen!) I remembered a verse that I had read in Psalm while I was in Costa Rica:

"LISTEN, O DAUGHTER, CONSIDER AND GIVE EAR:

FORGET YOUR PEOPLE AND YOUR FATHER'S HOUSE.

THE KING IS ENTHRALLED BY YOUR BEAUTY;

HONOR HIM, FOR HE IS YOUR LORD."

-PSALM 45:10-11-

I also began to think about the parable that Jesus tells in the New Testament about the young ruler and how he asked him to give up everything to follow him and he wouldn't. So then I started looking for that story and was looking around in Matthew and found something interesting in chapter twenty, starting at verse 27:

Then Peter said to him, "We've given up everything to follow you. What will we get out of it?"

And Jesus replied, "I assure you that when I, the Son of Man, sit upon my glorious throne in the Kingdom, you who have been my followers will also sit on the twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return and will have eternal life." 

I also thought about these verses:

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must put aside your selfish ambition, shoulder your cross, and follow me. If you try to keep your life for yourself, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for me, you will find true life.  -Matthew 16:24-25

And then, as if God had not reminded me of enough already, the first sermon I listened to was about Esther. The sermon was about how Esther was put into a special place to fulfill God's purpose and save thousands of people, but she had to surrender to that and risk her life in order for it to happen. The Pastor reiterated that Esther was more focused on GOD'S KINGDOM than HER COMFORT. And then I realized that that was what I needed to accept. 

All day I have been thinking about this, that my focus needs to not be on what I don't have here with me, and focus on God's kingdom rather than my own comfort, and realize that as a part of God's will I will have to be away from my family for a while. And I want God to fulfill his purpose for my life.